Blue Holiday: How to Cope With Sadness Amid Holiday Cheer

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By Cedars-Sinai

Newswise — LOS ANGELES (Dec. 16, 2024) — The most wonderful time of the year can be excruciating for those dealing with grief, sadness or loneliness.

“The holidays can be incredibly hard, and they can highlight who and what we don’t have in our lives at the moment,” said Cedars-Sinai Marina del Rey Hospital Chaplain Rev. Hannah M. Rhiza, MA, MDiv. “It’s important to recognize that for each person on a journey through grief or sadness, there is no right or wrong way to engage with the festive season.”

Rhiza, who normally helps the hospital staff celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa with a festive spiritual care cart, added a new tradition this year: She hosted a “blue holiday” event for employees, complete with rock painting and ornament making while soothing music played in the background. Employees painted smooth rocks with words of encouragement or threaded colorful ribbons marked with feelings—like anger, love, fear—into clear ornaments. Participants loaded up on hot cocoa with tiny marshmallows and whipped cream while they snacked on cookies.

“It doesn’t have to be the typical holiday cheer,” Rhiza told her colleagues.

Letting go of what the holidays should look and feel like can be liberating, said Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Chaplain Rev. Peggy Kelley. People often compare their holiday experiences to others’, which can make them feel they’re missing out on the connections and love that might seem so abundant for others. “I encourage making space for self-compassion during a time that can feel dark,” Kelley said.

Cedars-Sinai Newsroom spoke with Rhiza about advice for coping during a “blue holiday” and how to support a loved one experiencing loss or sadness during the festive season.

What would you recommend for people coping with grief or sadness over the holidays?

Rhiza: Set realistic expectations for yourself this year. Acknowledge that it may look very different than the holiday seasons of the past. I encourage everybody to feel all the feelings. I think when people try to deny what they’re feeling and what they’re going through—grief or feeling blue during a season where it seems like everybody around you is festive—that can make things a lot harder. Surround yourself with people who you don’t have to explain yourself to and ones that will be supportive.

What are tips for navigating holiday parties?

Rhiza: I recommend getting in contact with the host early. Find out the very last moment you can actually cancel your decision to go. With the best of intentions you may have accepted the offer to attend a party, but when the day comes, it might be an incredibly hard time for you. Or Plan B: Attend the party but can you bring a supportive friend with you to be a source of support for the night? And lastly, the time frame. You don’t have to stay there the whole night. If you can possibly make an appearance and keep it at that, that might be just what you need to go.

What kinds of self-care do you recommend?

Rhiza: I always lean toward comfort and creativity. Things like hot chocolate or pastries that remind you of the way that you had celebrated the holidays before, or something that is a source of comfort for you. Rock painting is a wonderful tool as well, to have that one little moment where you’re not thinking of where you are right now, but you’re able to focus on what is in front of you. Seek out solutions and resources that work for you from trusted sources. I find a lot of inspiration online from public health experts and organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the National Institute of Mental Health.

How can you support a loved one who’s grieving?

Rhiza: Be present. I don’t think that there is enough credit or weight that’s held on that, but it’s incredibly powerful to be present, to listen, and to see your loved ones exactly where they are, meeting them where they are without judgment. Make sure they are taking care of themselves, and encourage self-care.

Read more on the Cedars-Sinai Blog: Social Anxiety—How to Navigate the Holiday Season

Image: charlesdeluvio/unsplash

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